This is the guy i am talking about Matt... This is going to stun u... He is 9 year old... Btw he plays for a youth club in japan... Safely say a person at his age his football is pro enough to play verterans lor... How i got to know him is a long story... I met him one day when he was picked up by my friend michael when we went for our regular friday soccer... I was suprised as he was my neighbour about 7 doors away and i never realised it... Well, from den all i look forward to every soccer with him friday and sunday evening... I realise everytime i play with him our partnership strengthen so did our friendship... We look forward to playing on the same thing and for the first time in many years i actually smiled... I dunno la... To all of u smiling is like a normal thing... But for many people who noe me, i only pretend to be happy but deep down i actually am bothered with alot of stuff... Well... He is a singaporean... but his parents work in japan... so he studies there and all good things must come to an end... He is going back on august 15th to study in Japan something i find damn cool la becoz i only been to japan airport only for transit... I wish he could stay longer... As the only thing i look forward is soccer with him....

Although this image is kinda small, if u are damn sharp u can see that i am smiling ear to ear... I never felt so happy and proud to be taking a photo... One year maybe short but to me it is damn long... I think soccer without him is going to be like Arsenal without Viera... It can survive without him but it is just different... Well, tomolo i am going to buy photo paper, print it out for me and matt so that i can keep a remembrance and so can he... Oh ya... i planing to go to the arcade tomolo with him... Hope his mom can agree so that after that we can continue to watch soccer together as both of us are hardcore manu supporter... I predict and MANU win against everton 3-1 van nisterooy score one, rooney score two... Below are some of the photos i got today while playing soccer at tamasek club with matt and a few veterans...

I am finally going to answer all my friends on why i treat people this way... For some people they think i am a gay, some people think i am a pedofile... They can think whatever they want... As long as my conscience is clear... I have nothing to worry about... Everything all started years ago... If u are my friend u would want to read this, if u want to noe more about me u can read also...

I knew this girl since i was P4, people in primary school always tease each other... Like eh kenneth u like this girl, or this girls likes u... No one dare to be openly dating la... so scary with gossip... Well, i took interest in this girl... I never knew that i really like her with exception that i was curious about what she always does... One day, i collided with her den when she held my hand to pull me up, i was astounded and stunned... I felt as though someone shock a electric pulse through me lor... That was the time i realise i liked her... I took the liberty and told everyone that i like her... But well i was P6 what do u expect... Anyway, After like 2 years we broke up la... Dun ask me why maybe i was not good enough for her... But i was like damn dumb la... I kneel infront of her house to ask her to forgive me... Omg a few hours la... i think back now i feel damn dumb...

Anyway, after that i think that was the start of the downhill roll... I suffered in SJI for sec 1 and sec 2 becoz i didn't know anyone in sji... I felt out of place... I remember my psl Phang xiao feng he told me this... one day u would make a good psl... So i decided to become a good psl... Mostly it was becoz of someone i admire greatly... Roger Phoullier is the one guy that gave life to peer support... I remember that he once told me this... A peer support leader is one the create bond betweeen the sec 1 group... And be the link between teacher, parent and student... To help the student in anyway possible... Not only in the camp but also outside the camp and beyond sec 1 life... I told myself since i can't get any friends who are my peer... Why give up on sji... Make friends with SJI sec 1 lor... From 10... i begin to know the whole class... Den after that i almost knew the whole of sec 1 who are now sec 3 in SJI... In them, I had my happiest times and my saddest time... But it seemed that i was giving more than i could... And i cracked...I sanked into depression... To me life had no meaning at all... Living was as good as dying... I lost the meaning of life... I just felt like dying... Although i know that death dun solve the problem... I just wanted to end all my suffering... Well, many things happen... ups and downs... Somethings that are not worth brooding over or mentioning here... Anyway... the photo above is the place i tried to jump off from... And if u are guesing where is it... It is in bishan...

I sat on the wall... under my feet was 30 storeys of air... I wasn't scared at all... Maybe all the pain i was going through numbed me... I told myself, as the wind blow... It felt very relaxing, i feel as though it was blowing away my troubles... I told myself if i jump off now, all my problems would end and i would never have to worry about another thing again... Obviously, since i am typing here i didn't jump... Another suicide incident was me eating 32 panadol in 5 mins... Lol, i was warded in hospital after that... Luckily, nothing happen... Hmm, and i cut my wrist before ha ha... Well i tried everything la... suprised that i am still living...

Anyway, the root of my problem is the lack of confidence my family give me... I admit they are very nice parents but they are not perfect... So i decided to find it in my friends... And the only way to receive something is to give it... And i told myself that i would give everything just to receive that... I sank into depression once and the feeling sucks... So i told god... U gave me the power and abilty to be caring and empathetic so i shall live that reason... I treated all my friends like my brother or best friends... becoz i dun ever want them to be lonely... And if they ever have troubles they would confide in me and trust me... However, being nice to people in this world means u want something from that person... Well what can i say, the world is a selfish place...

Well, the porridge is like my friendship... what i dun understand is this... I spents alot of hardwork cooking the porridge... U took it and ate it... When u wanted more i always gave u... But i cannot give what i dun have... And there is a limit to how much i can give... Becoz i cannot short change myself... But when i just ask something small from anyone, the throw the rest of the porridge on the floor... And after that u dun pay, u even go around saying that this porridge sucks... All the people out there, i dun owe u anything and i dun wan anything from u... Just leave me alone, give me peace and dun find trouble with me can already...

Well... I would like to say this to joshua and marvin... U told me that people do all this becoz they can't reciprocate.... why do they accept it in the first place, and not only that they even ask for more... I would like this ask anyone... In this world nothing is free... U have to pay a price for everything u do.... When i have nothing else to give or nothing better to give, they turn around and say the thing is bad and it sucks... They blame everything that was good... If good was bad, what is bad... Wen jie... U are not alone... I feel exactly what u feel... Dun worry... live strong becoz the world is a cruel place...

Well, everyone i hope at the end of this post your eyes haven pop out yet... sorry for such a long post... i didn't post for a long time... I now thinking about the 2 bears i am going to buy... one for me, one for matt... And a photo album to keep the photos of me and matt... And i would give it to him before he leaves for singapore... Anyway it is now 3.18 in the morning... i am going to play knight online den TFT den i sleep liao... tomolo i got to pray for my grandpa who is dead long ago... and hopefully i get to spend my day with matt...

GOD BLESS TO ALL WHO CARES FOR ME AND TREATS ME NICE... THANKS FOR BEING THERE WHEN I MOST NEEDED U