-Angel Watching Over Me-

Monday, February 20, 2006

Ha ha... Never blog for three days... Sigh nothing juicy for u readers out there... Anyway for my friends reading this this might surprise u but i am attached... Wun tell u who because i promise her that i would keep it secret... Anyway i asked her and she said yes and allow me to be her bf... My first date was on friday... We watched i not stupid too... Wasn't what i imagined it to be... Anyway it was my first date so dunno what to expect...

Well three days have passed... it feels like one day... For saturday i woke up early in the morning to go to mount elizabeth hospital for a medical report for my knee... I injured long ago and the symtoms are coming back... I am going to my ns's medical check up so i need my report...

The doctor said i have Condromalacia patella

Chondromalacia Patella" in non-technical terms, means "soft kneecap cartilage". While everyone develops chondromalacia of their joints to one degree or another as they age, the articular (joint surface) cartilage that lines the back of the patella seems particularly prone to gradual deterioration and breakdown. The patella is often the first bone in the body to show aging (degenerative) change, beginning in most of us by the age of 35. Clinical evidence indicates that this natural degeneration can be accelerated by genetic factors, obesity, unusually stressful and repetitive use of the patellofemoral joint, and/or structural joint injury. In some individuals, chondromalacia patella can occur as early as the teenage years. Such premature chondromalacia is seen somewhat more frequently in females than in males. While treatment is available for this condition, there is no universally successful remedy.

Sigh and i am only 17 years old... i seem to age too fast... I hope my knee problem dun come back after i start ns which is after my birthday... after the english doctor i had to see a chinese sin seh... I twisted my ankle badly on friday so i had to get it fixed... And i tot my injury was worse... look at alan smith... He dislocated his ankle and broke is leg... OUCH... OH YAR MAN U ROX

Btw today was kinda boring too... i went to referee a under-12 game for the essex lasallian... I realize that being a referee wasn't that easy... so from now on i would try to complain lesser... After that i played social soccer with one foot which was twisted and i even scored a goal... Well after that i ate shark fin a restaurant and yum yum...

Well i going to play maple le... i WANT to lvl up to 36 cleric and i want to earn my second million... Cyaz

`angel watching over|12:49 AM

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Wednesday was a very eventful day, many things happen. maybe about5.

Firstly, I went out to meet my online pal but unfortunately we missed each other. I was late for something and as i couldn't contact him we didn't meet up. I tot he didn't want to meet after he saw me and i started to think about stupid things. But at the end of the day he told me that he wanted to meet me but couldn't contact me. I felt very guilty for actually holding that thought.

After that i went for my class, we learnt about emotion, physical development, cognitive development, theory of mind, language development and gender roles. To all of u all it must be alien but i want to talk more about gender roles because it happened rite after my class. When we talk about gender roles, we talk about gays and lesbian. We realize that there are more gays support group den lesbian. Does it mean that our society is opening up to gayism because the legal side of gay is still in the grey area.

I felt that gay and being sexually attracted to the same sex is how we perceive things through tinted glass. It shows how we force what we believe in on to other people. Let me ask, Do u think being gay is wrong? When a person comes to u and open their heart out to u at their most vulnerable state would u say that he was wrong? Well to him, being sexually attracted to the same sex would mean normal. To him, if we like opposite sex we are crazy. This types of things are a taboo to society, a no no. But if we dun talk about it, many of us carry unfinished business around thus causing a mixed up of gender-roles.

Ponder about this. You can even comment on my tag board about this and i would write a review in one week about those comments.

"Are single-sex schools good for girls and boys? What is ur view on gays and lesbian, would u openly accept one and live along side them as though they are normal human being or would u ostracize them?"

I had this event about gender role right after i finish my class on the way from home. I met this lady wearing a black dress. She looks very high class dress but she is one and a half head taller than me. And she like my friend said a "shim" looks like a guy be it on the face and body. Her heels were longer than 10 cm. She had painted toe nails, long hair, breast and no third leg. To me she look like a guy that went for a sex change but i still pondering over this. But i can tell u everyone in the mrt, their eyes were fixated on her. People even walk near her to get a closer look. After that i felt very guilty as i was one of those people, but i felt that she led a very sad life. Many people think being un common is good, but i think for her case every single second being is staring at her and it is a pain i guess she has to bear. People taking photo and calling their friends, saying so commenting so loudly even i can hear. "Eh i at bugis now, i think i saw a guy who change sex like ah kua like that. She look like alien la, at least two head taller. No leh she not a guy. She has boobs and wear high heel." I cannot imagine how she would have felt if she heard those things.

Lastly, before i left the mrt my cisco friend receive a sms
"Look out for a gunman, suspected of killing 41-year-old businessman Lim Hock Soon at his Serangoon Avenue 4 flat on Wednesday. The suspect is a 1.7 metre tall Chinese man in his late 30s to 40s. He was last seen wearing an all-black outfit - round-neck T-shirt, pants, shoes and cap - and appeared blind in the right eye. Last seen in the area of serangoon avenue 4."
Initially, i tot it was a prank but it came out in the news. I can't believe why a person can actually do that. To kill another person for money. Even when i need money i rather work or beg. Rather to steal and rob. I wonder if that guy has conscience. If he does, i hope he surrenders and give up to the police. At least, he would not be so guilty.

Well people, the police says "A manhunt is currently underway for the suspect who is believed to be a Chinese man in his late 30s to 40s. He has been described as being plump and about 1.7 metres tall, and was last seen wearing a black round necked T-shirt, black pants and black shoes. He also had a black cap and appeared to be blind in his right eye.The public is advised to call the police hotline at 999 if they spot anyone fitting this description. Police also warn the public not to approach the suspect as he may be armed.The police have advised members of the public not to approach the suspect as he may be dangerous" Keep a vigilant look out for him and remember CRIME DOESN"T PAY.

P.S.Please comment on the topic i wrote above on my tagboard.

`angel watching over|1:16 PM

Sigh....... Today is such a sigh of relieve... I handed my assignment for interpersonal skills... I finally got my blog back up again and decided to blog on a regular basis... I dunno what made me want to get this blog back up... Maybe my course that i am studying allows me to ponder about life more indepth...

I dun think many of u all know that i am no longer in Singapore polytechnic doing my Diploma in aerospace electronics... Many people would think that i am crasy and that there are alot of people who can't get into my course... For those people that know me well i think u would know that i would never survive studying such things...

Well i am very happy now... living my life to the fullest by studying Diploma in counselling skills... I am finally doing what i always wanted to do... I always believe that god gave me the gift of empathy... And that to glorify god i would live life as how he wanted me to... This innate gift can be sometimes hurting and rewarding...

I still remember last year... When a SJI teacher invited me to speak at a NYC forum for Service learning... I was asked to speak on what i had done for my project called Sparks of life... It was a project done for MINDS... I raised about 5k, but the money wasn't the issue it was what i learnt in the process that was important... Initially i had a group of commitee, but one by one left my project... It really thought me how to learn through service... I was very disappointed becoz i planned my project with me myself and i, But i was glad that i had 300 over volunteers...

The main thing i wanted to share is that i went through my powerpoint and felt it didn't represent what i wanted to say and what i felt... So i spoke 10 mins without script... Words that came straight out from my heart... It went like this...

"I think after what u all have heard, u would be bored and thing that this is just another person talking about service learning. What makes me so different. Let me tell u why. I started this project with 10 group members. Slowly one by one left. When i was down and felt lonely, i asked myself why am i doing all this, why am i still doing this when my friends left. I pondered for a moment and said.

What i want in life is to be happy and the ultimate happiness u can get is to see the smile on the other person face when u make him happy. Be it giving him money or helping him emotionally. Many of us dun look back and reflect on what we have done for ourselves and others. Why are we living our live with no aim and purpose? To me to help people is the greatest joy in life and to learn from helping others makes live even happier.When was the last time u did something for others. If u tell me never or u dun remember, it is time for u to be happy again by helping others."

I think about 20 poeple cried lor...... Damn awkard lor..... but i think in the end i really want to ask everyone... when was the last time u did something for someone....... if u really dunno i think it is time for u to stretch out ur arms to lend a helping hand.

`angel watching over|12:47 AM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I finally decide to blog again and put my past behind. My blog is still under construction so please bear with it and look forward to better posting

`angel watching over|6:26 PM

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Arh... Some stupid idiot took my hand phone from my bag la... That idiot is a f**ker... I got like 500 numbers on it la... How to get all back... Sianz... Anyway my post got three parts...

It all started when i finish my mid semester test... Den i decided to play b ball at tanglin community centre... I was like off my guard becoz I TOT THEY WERE all my friends la... But i was wrong lor... Some f**ker stole my phone lor...

I lodge a police report... For lost item and another report for suspecting someone who stole my handphone... If i get my hands on that guy i make sure he is dead man... The report was made at whitley police post...

This is the exact statement that the police took... I changed the names involved as all this a suspicion only...

On the 24/08/05 at about 9.00pm, I was taking a break from my basketball game at tanglin CC, i then checked my handphone for any missed calls. After which, i put my handphone back in my back and zipped it up... At about 9.05 i then went back to my basketball game.At about 9.20pm... Two basketball player who i played basketball with a few years suspect A and suspect B were sitting near my bag. At about 9.30pm, suspect A left for home. However suspect B continued to remain sitting alone near my bag for some time. When i finished my game at about 9.40, suspect B had already left for home. I then discovered my handphone was missing from my bag, and my bag was open. I made a search for my hanphone but to no avail. I was desperate, not knowing what to do i decided to call my phone with one of the remaining players left... The handphone was switched off. I strongly suspect B that he might have taken the handphone as he was sitting next to my bag for some time. I do not have suspect b contact numer with me now. However with the assistance of my friend on a later time. There was no CCTV at the scene. I am lodging this report as i would require police assitance.

This was the statement i made at the police station... I gave my i mei number to the police station... If the idiot tried to sell my phone to a second hand dealer shop... He would he apprehended by the police... If he tried to sell the phone to his friends, he would not be able to use the phone as i have already disabled the phone...

Well nonetheless, when i finish b ball at around 9+ i walk over the police station to make a police report... There was someone inside so i had to wait till about 11.30 for my police report... What was interesting was what the lady' statement was... This lady is a teacher in a private school. Early 30. The arguement betweent a cab driver and her.It all went like this...

I was late for my work. So i decided to take a taxi instead of the public bus. I entered into a SMRT taxi. As he started to drive, i felt he was driving recklessly with two finger. As he drove the taxi was swerving from left to right and i was afraid. I then spoke to him and told him to drive carefully as the way he was driving was very dangerous. He then told me not to question his way of driving as he has droved for a few years. He also said that i being a ang moh have no right to speak because i am new to singapore. But the fact was that i have already been staying in singapore on a work permit for ten years. He continued to drive recklessly, worried about my safety i decided to get out off the cab. He came after me after i step out of the cab. He yelled at me asking me to pay for the cab fare. I insisted that i wun pay for my cab fare as he didn't deserve it. He continued yelling at me making me a spectacle to the public. He continued to block my way not allowing me to walk away. I was frightened and i decided to pay him but he refused to accept. He den called the police seeking justice, i wanted to speak to the police on the phone but he gestured with his right fist as though he was going to seek violence. A lady approach him to calm him down, but the cab driver refused to calm down and continued yelling about me the paying the cab fare. The lady who ask him to take his hand off me was actually andrea de cruz the actor for TCS. Just before the police arrived, a guy step out of the crowd and told me that he heard the cab driver yelling becoz he worked one floor above in the building. He calm me and the man down. But the driver continued yelling, all the time i was pleading and sobbing. When the police came, the driver had no chioce but to calm down. He told the police that he wanted me to pay the cab fare. I told the police that all the time i was ready to pay him the money but he didn't want to accept. The police den assisted me to pay him the money. However the driver refused to accept the money and told the police that he wanted justice. He told the police, if i were to complain to the SMRT company he would lodge a police report. I wasn't sure what i was going to do as i was frightened. I decided to write my statement after i calm down and i left for work which i was late for 1 hr.

Well after listening to this... I was utterly shocked that there are such ugly singaporean in the world... This cab driver totally was reckless and irresponsible... Well i hope that lady report this incident to SMRT because this type of things would happen again... And all this time the cab driver thinks he is right... Well today i saw how singaporeans can be so ugly... I feel disgraced to be a singaporean... Stealing people belonging and put blame on other people and resorting to violence... Just before i left the station, there was a couple who entered the station. They were reporting a accident where they were cycling on the road and were hit by a car and they collided into the lamp post...

As i was tired, i left the station... But this goes to show, how singapore can never become a beautiful country... Because of all this black sheeps... I want to give thanks to WHITLEY NEIGHBOURHOOD POLICE POST for assisting me and going past their working hour to seek justice for those people who are wronged... Well maybe those people who read this post would like to comment on " Are singaporeans ugly or is it just human nature" Well i am at least glad i am not one of them...

I am leaving home to meet Roger Poulier at sport school to have a tour there. I hope meeting him would take my mind off everything...

`angel watching over|2:01 PM

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Sigh i seem to lost my blogging touch liao... My posting have been getting more and more irregular... I apologise to all my readers... Anyway life have been getting on fine... I started to take things more lightly now... No more samuel to bother me...

Oh yar... One of the most interesting things that happen since i last blog was that i saw roger poulier online yesterday... I had a hearthy talk with him... I knew him for a very long time but i lost contact with him since he last left sji... When he was in sji, he was like my shelter...

We talk of many things but becoz it is too personnal so i cannot speak about it... Anyway he is going to give me a tour of sport school on thursday... Hopefully i get to meet tat chuan and apologise to him about the soccer incident... Oh yar... He is celebrating my birthday with me... on 4th sept... Well it is not really a birthday celebration becoz my birthday is on 12th sept "hint"

Oh yar... My this week is damn busy la... Friday night is soccer... Saturday is SNS(saturday nite skate) with skateline at CCK... Sunday is the national skating meet... Well for those people who are interested to go blading pls go to skateline for more information... It is a night skate at CCK on saturday 8-10... It is the 7th month and we would be taking the cemetery road... Well call me if u are going...

I now in class CADD can't blog more becoz my friends rushing off to eat well... Till next time... byez

`angel watching over|1:53 PM

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Well my blog today is mainly about three... One is about a quote from my friend... Second is about my friend matt who returned to Japan on 15 th august... Lastly, it is about the review of Bewitched...

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,"ephesians 4:26... I came across this verse from my friend... He said to me kenneth do u put your faith in god... I said yes... Den he said god told his sons that no hatred should past sundown... I was like telling him, u think it is so easy... Everytime sam says something about me... I get pissed off and i feel damn frustrated... But after thinking about this verse i suddenly realise that was what everyone is trying to me... It goes a little bit like this...

Kenneth dun waste your time on someone who is not worth that... Some people are meant to be seen not heard... Ai ya this type of stupid people, u actually are bothered about him... Leave him alone la, if those people he try to influence listen to him den those people aren't your true friend... Kenneth u whack him also no use, in the end u would dirty your hands with something worst den shit...

Initially it was hard trying to believe it, but after trying to seek solution to this problem i derive this... In this life nothing is fair, the grass is always greener on the other side... Well i should look at thing from a good perspective... I am glad that our friendship ended when we are not best of friends... Those things that he did made me realize that my judgement about him was wrong... When he said bad things about me, it showed me those people who listen to him weren't my true friends... For those who stood by me were those people that supported me from the back and caught me when i fell... Everything he did showed me who were my true friends...

I decided to treat him like air and continue to live my life unaffected by him... If i hate someone it would mean that u are sinking below his level... Oh yar... forgot to tell u he hates me to the core... Btw i would talk to chickens like him... I will only talk to people who dare to admit what they say and have guts... I willl remember one thing... Brother mike once told me this... Do you think u are perfect to someone, if you think u are not dun expect that person to be perfect... This rule apply to everyone who are human... But this rule dun apply to samuel becoz he does not have conscience and when a person does not have that he is not worst den a beast...

Lastly, i quote again from the bible... "Hate the sin, love the sinner" I always dun understand why everyone still befriends sameul after they know what he has done and what he says... Well, maybe that is how god want human to repent... To bless the sinner so much, he feels guilty... But i dun think sameul has guilt... But nonetheless i pray that god has mercy and that the day comes for him to grow up...

This is the second part of the post... Matt has returned to japan for his studies... Well for those who read the previous post u know that he was the one who brought joy to me... Well i guess being sad means something happy would follow... Well i guess matt was god blessing... Before he left i made a photo album of about 20 photos and below are a few included in the album... I also wrote a letter to him and a post card... I spend like 3 days making the album but at the end i felt all the effort was worth it... I also gave him one of the dog above, this two dogs are my favourite... And i vowed to myself one day i would give it to the person that gave me joy... Well i think i found that person... Well in my next post i will talk about the post card...

What is sad that he would only come back next summer which is next year world cup... So since both of us are man u and england crazy fan... I am looking forward to celebrate manu epl win with him... Now my soccer on friday and sunday has lost alot of meaning and playing would no longer be the same... Like arsenal without viera... Nonetheless, the photos are living memory of him...

As the saying goes a picture means a thousand words... If anyone in this world lost someone dear... Dun fret, dun cry... Because the memories of loved ones and your friends are always in your heart... If u miss the quiet times u had with each other or the fun times u enjoyed... Close your eyes, u would see them rite beside u... The physical self of a person can leave but the memories engraved in your heart will never be lost... It is just waiting for u to relive it...

Looking back at the happy times, i remembered this photo... This was taken on a saturday... This was the first day of the start of EPL and Manu won everton 2-0... It was a great memory because i enjoyed the match supporting the match with a great friend watching our favourite team win...

Above (in clockwise rotation starting from the left) is his auntie, followed by his mom and matt... His mother reminded me of a caring mother, who was a loving spouse... Though she was caring and loving she could draw the line between spoiling a kid and being too strict...

If u pay attention carefully, both of us are actually sweating... After the match, we decided to play badminton... I must say for a p3 he is actually quite good... Well, after that we play smackdown 3 and i used one hand lol... Cannot bully small kid mah... After that day, i played soccer with him on sunday... We continued to play PS2 until past dinner time... What i felt sad was i could not send him off... Well he had a safe trip and i hope he is not feeling too homesick... Till i hear from him again this is the last time u would see me post his picture...

I watch this show after spending one whole day with matt... It was like 12 midnight... This show plot revolved around a witch who wants to integrate into the human world... But i find the initial part interesting... But at the last 15 mins it was quite boring and i actually doss of and slept... Well if u are into romance this is the type of show u should watch... I rate this show 5/10... Wasted my money...

Anyway tomolo is friday, i would be going to school till 12... Den i would go to sji to play soccer... But at least i know i wun see samuel face because track is going ECP to run 5km for their last training... After that i would be home for dinner den i shall rush off to movie marathon alone... Charlie and the chocolate factory and the maid... I will post tomorrow the review...
Anyone interested can watch the movie with me... Just give my handphone a ring... Well till tomorrow see you

PSE: I want to thanks dennis for promoting my blog... I dun understand why but nonetheless i want to thank him... I dun think i can pay u for advertising but at least i can acknowledge u...

`angel watching over|10:49 PM

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Hmm, finally i am back typing again... Stretching my fingers, using my mind again... I must apologise for all my faithful readers... First of all nothing much had reached my mind to blog, alot of things happen but i didn't feel that it was important to blog about it... After that i had food poisoning... So obviously i cannot blog la... Nonetheless, this post has two main section about it... Both is about my life... One is answer all my friends question why i have younger friends... Another one is that for the first few years in my life i actually smiled in a photo... First time in my life i wasn't just material happy... My hearted melted, to me i had something to look forward to-FINALLY- However, it is going to be short lived becoz he is going back liao...

This is the guy i am talking about Matt... This is going to stun u... He is 9 year old... Btw he plays for a youth club in japan... Safely say a person at his age his football is pro enough to play verterans lor... How i got to know him is a long story... I met him one day when he was picked up by my friend michael when we went for our regular friday soccer... I was suprised as he was my neighbour about 7 doors away and i never realised it... Well, from den all i look forward to every soccer with him friday and sunday evening... I realise everytime i play with him our partnership strengthen so did our friendship... We look forward to playing on the same thing and for the first time in many years i actually smiled... I dunno la... To all of u smiling is like a normal thing... But for many people who noe me, i only pretend to be happy but deep down i actually am bothered with alot of stuff... Well... He is a singaporean... but his parents work in japan... so he studies there and all good things must come to an end... He is going back on august 15th to study in Japan something i find damn cool la becoz i only been to japan airport only for transit... I wish he could stay longer... As the only thing i look forward is soccer with him....

Although this image is kinda small, if u are damn sharp u can see that i am smiling ear to ear... I never felt so happy and proud to be taking a photo... One year maybe short but to me it is damn long... I think soccer without him is going to be like Arsenal without Viera... It can survive without him but it is just different... Well, tomolo i am going to buy photo paper, print it out for me and matt so that i can keep a remembrance and so can he... Oh ya... i planing to go to the arcade tomolo with him... Hope his mom can agree so that after that we can continue to watch soccer together as both of us are hardcore manu supporter... I predict and MANU win against everton 3-1 van nisterooy score one, rooney score two... Below are some of the photos i got today while playing soccer at tamasek club with matt and a few veterans...

Well as i round of the first part of this post i cannot stress how much happiness i feel... This type of joy just comes out from the heart... Well i am glad i met him... Many of u all thing kenneth is going crasy his friends are getting younger and younger... If u think that i feel that u are selfish and bias... People who are younger den u are never more dumb or irritating... They are just innocent... Never call someone who is younger den u stupid or anything... Becoz u were once them... Looking at the photo, his shadow walking away i can only think about how soccer will once be without him... Nonetheless, if i can even be happy once i should be glad...

THIS IS THE SECOND PART OF THE POST IF U REALLY GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO U CAN CONTINUE READING THIS PART OF THE POST.

I am finally going to answer all my friends on why i treat people this way... For some people they think i am a gay, some people think i am a pedofile... They can think whatever they want... As long as my conscience is clear... I have nothing to worry about... Everything all started years ago... If u are my friend u would want to read this, if u want to noe more about me u can read also...

I knew this girl since i was P4, people in primary school always tease each other... Like eh kenneth u like this girl, or this girls likes u... No one dare to be openly dating la... so scary with gossip... Well, i took interest in this girl... I never knew that i really like her with exception that i was curious about what she always does... One day, i collided with her den when she held my hand to pull me up, i was astounded and stunned... I felt as though someone shock a electric pulse through me lor... That was the time i realise i liked her... I took the liberty and told everyone that i like her... But well i was P6 what do u expect... Anyway, After like 2 years we broke up la... Dun ask me why maybe i was not good enough for her... But i was like damn dumb la... I kneel infront of her house to ask her to forgive me... Omg a few hours la... i think back now i feel damn dumb...

Anyway, after that i think that was the start of the downhill roll... I suffered in SJI for sec 1 and sec 2 becoz i didn't know anyone in sji... I felt out of place... I remember my psl Phang xiao feng he told me this... one day u would make a good psl... So i decided to become a good psl... Mostly it was becoz of someone i admire greatly... Roger Phoullier is the one guy that gave life to peer support... I remember that he once told me this... A peer support leader is one the create bond betweeen the sec 1 group... And be the link between teacher, parent and student... To help the student in anyway possible... Not only in the camp but also outside the camp and beyond sec 1 life... I told myself since i can't get any friends who are my peer... Why give up on sji... Make friends with SJI sec 1 lor... From 10... i begin to know the whole class... Den after that i almost knew the whole of sec 1 who are now sec 3 in SJI... In them, I had my happiest times and my saddest time... But it seemed that i was giving more than i could... And i cracked...I sanked into depression... To me life had no meaning at all... Living was as good as dying... I lost the meaning of life... I just felt like dying... Although i know that death dun solve the problem... I just wanted to end all my suffering... Well, many things happen... ups and downs... Somethings that are not worth brooding over or mentioning here... Anyway... the photo above is the place i tried to jump off from... And if u are guesing where is it... It is in bishan...

I sat on the wall... under my feet was 30 storeys of air... I wasn't scared at all... Maybe all the pain i was going through numbed me... I told myself, as the wind blow... It felt very relaxing, i feel as though it was blowing away my troubles... I told myself if i jump off now, all my problems would end and i would never have to worry about another thing again... Obviously, since i am typing here i didn't jump... Another suicide incident was me eating 32 panadol in 5 mins... Lol, i was warded in hospital after that... Luckily, nothing happen... Hmm, and i cut my wrist before ha ha... Well i tried everything la... suprised that i am still living...

Anyway, the root of my problem is the lack of confidence my family give me... I admit they are very nice parents but they are not perfect... So i decided to find it in my friends... And the only way to receive something is to give it... And i told myself that i would give everything just to receive that... I sank into depression once and the feeling sucks... So i told god... U gave me the power and abilty to be caring and empathetic so i shall live that reason... I treated all my friends like my brother or best friends... becoz i dun ever want them to be lonely... And if they ever have troubles they would confide in me and trust me... However, being nice to people in this world means u want something from that person... Well what can i say, the world is a selfish place...

Well, the porridge is like my friendship... what i dun understand is this... I spents alot of hardwork cooking the porridge... U took it and ate it... When u wanted more i always gave u... But i cannot give what i dun have... And there is a limit to how much i can give... Becoz i cannot short change myself... But when i just ask something small from anyone, the throw the rest of the porridge on the floor... And after that u dun pay, u even go around saying that this porridge sucks... All the people out there, i dun owe u anything and i dun wan anything from u... Just leave me alone, give me peace and dun find trouble with me can already...

Well... I would like to say this to joshua and marvin... U told me that people do all this becoz they can't reciprocate.... why do they accept it in the first place, and not only that they even ask for more... I would like this ask anyone... In this world nothing is free... U have to pay a price for everything u do.... When i have nothing else to give or nothing better to give, they turn around and say the thing is bad and it sucks... They blame everything that was good... If good was bad, what is bad... Wen jie... U are not alone... I feel exactly what u feel... Dun worry... live strong becoz the world is a cruel place...

Well, everyone i hope at the end of this post your eyes haven pop out yet... sorry for such a long post... i didn't post for a long time... I now thinking about the 2 bears i am going to buy... one for me, one for matt... And a photo album to keep the photos of me and matt... And i would give it to him before he leaves for singapore... Anyway it is now 3.18 in the morning... i am going to play knight online den TFT den i sleep liao... tomolo i got to pray for my grandpa who is dead long ago... and hopefully i get to spend my day with matt...

GOD BLESS TO ALL WHO CARES FOR ME AND TREATS ME NICE... THANKS FOR BEING THERE WHEN I MOST NEEDED U

`angel watching over|12:52 AM